I am behind on so many things.
I’m not begging for pity, just saying like it is. My sewing desk is a black hole where mending disappears for months on end. The kitchen drawers are storing as many crumbs as utensils. Topsy-turvy stacks in my cupboards threaten to crash out onto the floor. Forgotten seeds lie on my dryer — too late to plant them now. My house decor is confused as to which style or season it belongs… or whether it belongs at all. This blog has lain silent for many months.
In fact, given the long silence, I considered re-opening the blog with a post about silence vs. communication. I gave it enough thought and attempts at writing to realize that I have far more questions than answers on the subject, and to decide against making the classic mistake of spouting on something I know little about.
And to my former students reading this, I see your grins. I grin too (and blush) to remember the mega conversation we had on this very subject of communication (at the expense of English class)… back when I had all the answers. Now I cringe to think — what all did I say?! While I don’t recall saying anything specifically wrong, I also know that time and perspective have added more shades of gray to a subject I then thought so black and white. Along with many more questions. Someday when I find all the answers again, I’ll let you know. And perhaps even blog both my questions and answers in the meantime… but not now.
So anyway, now I got behind on writing about being behind.
I told a friend the other day that I got so behind on everything this spring when I got pregnant. (The queasy-sleepy-weepy combo of early pregnancy doesn’t lend itself well to blogging or housework or anything else for that matter, other than growing a baby perhaps.) She figured that till I ever try to get caught up that then I’ll be large and exhausted and it’ll be too late to catch up. I figure the simple addition of another child and potentially more will be insurance against ever catching up. I guess I’ll have to learn to enjoy this state of being behind. Anyone want to come on back and join the party?
In reality, it boils down to priorities. Prioritizing is a simple matter of saying yes and no. “No- that will have to wait for the illusive someday. Yes- this is something I value right now.” It looks so easy, written in the black-and-white. In the daily day-to-day, it muddles and twists and exhausts. At the end of the day, I sigh, “Did I accomplish anything? What happened to the time? Will I have ever have time again?”
Oh. It’s not Time’s fault. I have the same amount of time as you. I have chosen to say yes and no to different things, that’s all – whether currently (“no, messy freezer and filthy shower and blog – you wait”) or previously (“yes – I choose this housekeeping, these babies, this lifestyle”).
Why is it so easy to say yes and no to the wrong priorities? Of some of my decisions I am firmly convinced that I’ve attached the proper yes or no. No regrets. Of others I am equally positive I’ve said the wrong thing. That makes being behind not all wrong… and most certainly not all good.
Yes, I’ll always be behind in something. I need to choose which things those will be… but I’m sure I won’t have it figured out anytime soon. Here’s me open to advice.
Paul prays for the Corinthians “that ye come behind in no gift; waiting for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Cor. 1:7) I don’t claim to know what all he’s referring to, but I do know that it’s important not to get behind in spiritual things, in my relationship with Christ. (Confession: I’m often behind in these matters too. I praise God for His endless grace.) I know this: my spiritual life should be my #1 priority.
Don’t forget: our spirituality is lived out in physical ways. We can’t separate the two. Therefore, physical priorities matter also.
Look again at the last part of that verse: we’re waiting for Jesus’ coming. We live in light of eternity. Remembering that should help to clarify the yes and no… to help me differentiate the temporal from the eternal. Not that it’s easy. Not that I have it figured out. Not that I will ever have it figured out.
At least I have a supper plan figured out (roughly). At least I’m catching up on this blog (finally). At least I have a couple moments before baby wakes up (maybe). At least I’m not behind on everything (thankfully)!